FatigueFree - My way out of Chronic Fatigue

My story

I have suffered from worry, nervousness and anxiety pretty much all my life. I am rather sure that this personality trait has a big part to play in my becoming ill with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and I think that many of us are what they call Highly Sensitive Persons. But before I got CFS/ME, I could handle the anxiety and worry, and I managed to live a reasonably "normal" life with a husband, children and work.

2009 was a very stressful year for me. I vowed to myself to try my best to really get my accounting business going, which I had been running in a small scale for a couple of years - no matter what the cost! So I acquired quite a lot of new clients in a short period of time. At the same time one of my old clients got terminally ill and I took over pretty much all of the economical responsibility in his business. Some of my new clients were very messy and/or demanding, and I tried to be and do everything for everybody. At the same time I took a stress handling course that ironically was counter-productive, since I only got more stressed with trying to squeeze in doing the homework every week.

Eventually it all just became too much for me. I felt constantly stressed and tense, I started to have poor sleep, my body was very restless and I just couldn't relax. In the late fall of 2009 I felt that I just can't go on like this, either I put an end to my business or I'm going to have a total breakdown. So I did what I had to do, I gave all my clients notice and discontinued my business. I assumed that I had got "burned out", and that I would feel better after a while if I could just get some rest.

It was of course a big relief not to have all the work and responsibility in my business, but I did everything I could to keep being the same kind of mother I had always been for the children. I refused to make the kids lose anything of what they liked to do and have, just because I had got burned out. I forced myself to tag along for family outings and holiday trips, even though I really did not have the energy for it, or had any joy of it myself.

Until the end of the summer of 2010. That was when we went to a zoo about 100 km away from home for a couple of days, with our caravan. I had nearly a full blown panic attack in the car the whole way to the camping site, and I didn't recognize myself at all. I was used to having anxiety on and off, but it always eased off after a while. This time was different. It was like the body finally said STOP, I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE!!! But do you think I listened? Nope.

I still tried to go on as usual, I went with the family for different activities and the to the zoo too. There I hit a wall. Halfway through the zoo I felt that I'm going to faint now, the whole world spinned around me and my legs felt like they would collapse any second.

We sat down on a bench and there I broke down completely. Crying, I declared to my family that I couldn't cope anymore, I just couldn't go on through the zoo with them. We agreed that my husband and the kids would continue through the zoo, while I would go back to the entrance and wait for them there. I went back very very slowly, scared to death of falling down and at the same time grateful for every step I managed to take. After a while the rest of the family came, and we went back to the caravan and then on home.

I think it was during that trip that I developed Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I think I was first "burned out" after all the stress in my work, but since I still didn't listen to my body and forced myself to do more than I had the energy for, the condition worsened to CFS/ME.